Quiet listening

Last week  I wrote about our weekly Anderson Hall meetings of Resident Assistants with the Resident Director and, in the background, me.  If one is seeking optimism about today’s young men and women, an Anderson Hall weekly staff meeting is a great place to find it.  It can also provide useful lessons about how old people should relate to young people.

I have observed some Asian families that get it right.  When I lived in Honolulu, many years ago, my first wife and I often dined at a local Chinese eating place  with an improbable name, the McCully Chop Suey Restaurant.  Often, the only other diners would be Chinese, including large Chinese families, sometimes spanning four generations. Sitting in a place of honor would be and old grandfather, or grandmother, or both.  New arrivals would greet them deferentially.  A small child might sit close to them for a moment, before rejoining her sisters, brothers and cousins.  A young man might proudly introduce his new girl friend, who would smile shyly.  The old persons rarely spoke, but it was clear they were part of the gathering, included and respected.

Perhaps the memory picture I have painted is idealized.  Every family has its tribulations and I know that multigenerational Asian families - Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Sri Lankan - are no exception.  But I like to think that the old people I saw had earned the respect they were tendered by schooling themselves to be quiet listeners.  

A quiet listener, of an older generation, who has learned how to be an accepted and welcomed, but scarcely noticed part of a young people’s gathering will hear things that are banal, amazing, disturbing and surprising, but mostly reassuring.  It is rare that I do not leave such gatherings with renewed energy - and optimism.

And the the bushfires raged

This particularly moving passage was sent to me by a Sri Lankan friend who is now visiting in Australia.

Australia – “AND THE BUSHFIRES RAGED…

  

The bushfires continue to burn in Melbourne’s suburbs, though the worst is almost over.

 

We are left with a blackened, desolate landscape, with overwhelming grief for those who died and with the shattered lives and guilt of those who survived.

 

Why do such dreadful disasters happen?  We search for answers, but there are none.

 

As those who have suffered slowly come to terms with their pain and loss, will they, and we, find it in ourselves to forgive…?

 

Why forgive?

 

It is the hardest, but most important act of all:  As a victim – to forgive yourself for living, while your loved ones have died, your home has burned, your life’s possessions are gone.  As a volunteer, a doctor, a fire fighter – for being unable to comfort another, save a life, put out a fire.  As a person – for being unable to do more to help.

 

Can we forgive a God who wreaks such havoc on innocent people for no apparent reason?  Or the looters and opportunists who are preying on the victims?  Or the firebug who knowingly lit those fires? 

 

Are we capable of such forgiveness?

 

The tongues of orange flame leap out at us, day after day – from our TV screens, newspapers, computers – burning into our psyche, our memory. It engulfs me. I cannot watch anymore.  An ambulance screams through the city streets, on its mission of mercy.  Its piercing call cannot be ignored. The pall of grey smoke hangs heavy over the city, making it hard to breathe. And I choke, remembering.  It permeates the buildings, reminding us.  Reminding us it isn’t over yet.   

 

Perhaps it will never be, for those who’ve seen and suffered.

 

From the ruins of the fires, the grass and trees will grow tall again, the flowers will bloom. Just as they did after the deadly devastation of Hiroshima.  Or following the terrible tsunami.  Just as the flowers bloom in the fields of war.  

 

It is the first sign of hope and healing – it tells us that the time to rebuild has come.

 

Reconciliation and hope through Sri Lanka's Current Crisis

I was recently asked by the Anglican Bishop of Colombo to share my thoughts on Sri Lanka’s crisis with clergy and lay persons who are participants in the diocese’s ‘Program on Peace and Reconciliation.’ Much of my talk focused on challenges that Sri Lanka faces, drawing on my recent lectures and published work. However saying something meaningful about Reconciliation and hope was a challenge. For assistance I borrowed a King James Bible from my hostess and researched the concordance (list of topics with scriptural references).

What I found most compelling were the passages about forgiveness (there were none about reconciliation).

The gospel of Matthew, Chapter 6
• Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors
• For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses.

The Gospel of Luke, Chapter 6
• But love ye your enemies and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great and ye shall be the children of the Highest, for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
• 36. Be ye merciful as your father also is merciful.
• 37. Judge not and ye shall not be judged; condemn not and ye shall not be condemned; forgive and ye shall be forgiven.

The Gospel of Luke Chapter 23
• And when they were come unto the place which is called calvary, there they crucified him and the malfactors, one on the right hand and the other on the left. Then said Jesus, Father forgive them, for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment and cast lots.

The Gospel of John, Chapter 2
• 9. He that saith he is in the light and hateth his brother, is in darkness, even until now.
• 10. He that loveth his brother abideth in the light and there is none occasion of stumbling in him.

Pauls Epistle to the Ephesians Chapter 4
• 31. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice
• 32. And be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

I concluded my talk with the following:

About two years ago, one of my close friends, the writer Elizabeth Neeld, shared with me her new book entitled, A Spiritual Primer, a Guide to Quiet Time and Prayer. One of the meditative practices she describes begins with what is know as the prayer attributed to St. Francis. Since reading this book, I have begun most days with the St. Francis Prayer. And it is with this prayer that I should like to conclude our search for understanding of Sri Lanka’s crisis, hope and reconciliation, this evening.

There must be many among you who know this prayer and you should feel free to join me, either silently or aloud.

O Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
Where there is sadness, joy
O divine master, let me seek not so much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to live
For it is giving that we receive
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life