Opening Ourselves to Others Through "Meditative Attention."

The following passage is from my current early-morning read, Arthur Zajonc (2008) Meditation as Contemplative Inquiry, When Knowing Becomes Love.  When I read the passage, I thought of a few luminous conversations I have had with students, especially during the latter part of my decade-long residency in American University’s Anderson Hall.  It is a goal to which it is worth aspiring, even if only fully realized on rare and because of that, memorable, occasions.  The passage from Zajonc’s book follows:

Our meetings with others can be a repeated occasion for the cultivation of meditative attention.  If we are sufficiently practiced in cultivating the meditative state of mind, then taking a few breaths, settling into ourselves and attending gently, openly and completely to the other is usually sufficient for a recognizable inner shift to take place.  We drop the combative stance, we live into the thoughts of the other, and so are practicing a form of self attention.  We need not correct what may be mistakes of fact or differences of opinion.  In this moment, we are positive and open to each other.  What we achieved in our preliminary solitary exercises becomes of practical use in relationships.  In my experience, the visual background surrounding my conversation fades and the face and voice of the partner are all that remains.  The exchange can even take a joyful sacramental character as a mutual recognition of the divine within each other suddenly arises.  

Leadings - powerful messages that may be available to those who listen.

Most mornings I am able to set aside time for quiet reflection, reading and, most recently, Tibetan Buddhist meditative practice.  On rare occasions, during these times, I seem to experience what Quakers call ‘Leadings.’  (For those interested in Quakers’ views on leadings, information can be found on the website of New York Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends, http://www.nyym.org/leadings/ ).  ‘Divine Guidance’ is how some define a Leading.  However I am not entirely comfortable with the notion that an anthropomorphic Divine Being (God) has taken a personal interest in me.  This seems presumptuous.  My preferred definition of Leadings is  ‘powerful messages of guidance that may be available to those who listen.’

In my life, Leadings have been few, but defining.  The decision to embark on an entirely new research direction, studying the relationship between conflict and development, responded to a Leading.  So did my decision, nine years ago,  to become Director of American University’s Center for Teaching Excellence.   Two years ago, I received a leading to change the direction of my research once again; to begin focusing on the question how do nations that transition from high to low levels of poverty, over time, achieve that goal.

Soon after visiting one of the nations I propose to study, Singapore, this summer, I received another leading.  I was reading the magnificent autobiography of Singapore’s former Primer Minister, Lee Kuan Yew,  In a concluding chapter, he wrote of his decision to step down as Prime Minister.  He explained how he observed the energy levels of some Cabinet colleagues, who had been at his side since Singapore’s founding, flagging. Though still vigorous,  Lee recognized that his own energy level, too, was less than it once had been. Soon afterwards, he announced his resignation from the Prime Ministers post, accepting, instead, the position of “Senior Minister.’ In this role he has continued to attend cabinet meetings and provide policy guidance, but has distanced himself from day-to-day decision making.  

Reflecting on Lee’s words during a period of quiet reflection (I was then in Malaysia) I received the Leading that it was time to step down as CTE Director.  Soon I began exploring, through reading and meetings with my personal management consultant, how I could effect a transition that was both seamless and sustained the Center’s eight year trajectory of growth and high performance.  I remembered an aphorism taught me by my mother (who was a virtually inexhaustible source of aphorisms): 'always leave the stage while the audience is still applauding.'

Leadings provide direction. I believe they must be taken seriously.  But the scenario to which they point can be uncertain... ambiguous.  The scenario that is now unfolding, following my announcement that I would be ‘passing the baton’ (Lee Kuan Yew’s phrase), is different than the one I might have hoped for.  Leadings can point us to new directions, but life’s realities periodically remind us that we can not fully control the destinies of others or even our own.

A cost effective path to happiness

I was listening yesterday to an NPR segment on ‘extreme sports.” It described the exploits of a skier - I can’t recall his name - who may have been responsible for coining the term. His feat is was climb to the top of precipitous cliffs in snow covered mountainous regions and ski down them. A single lapse of focus or insurmountable obstacle in his path meant instant death. In justifying this risk-taking, he described the “high” the “total focus” the “adrenalin rush” that this feat produced. And having completed one feat, it was not enough. Like Alexander the Great, he soon felt compelled to seek new worlds to conquer.

Many of us can cite similar, though less dramatic,‘highs,’ They are membered as notable, transient way-stations on a never ending quest for experiences of happiness and fulfillment. I can remember the moment I knew that the best - and most unconventional book - I ever coauthored would be completed. The first time I viewed my first child is another deeply etched, never-to-be forgotten high. First consummating a deep, passionate relationship is another.

In technologically advanced wealthy societies, the quest for happiness has become commodified and commercialized. In America, Christmas Season may be the best example. As the day set aside to commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ draws near, merchants, economists and politicians wait anxiously to see whether “consumers” will make the requisite 20 per-cent of the year’s purchases necessary to keep the economy healthy. Expensive hobbies, expensive hotels, expensive vacations all seem to be part of the elusive quest. Expensive watches are featured advertising subjects in the Economist magazine, which I read regularly. Typically, those pictured wearing them are sports stars (Tiger Woods) or handsome, somewhat disdainful young men, escorting beautiful young women in elegant surroundings. Clearly the purpose of these beautifully crafted timepieces is not to tell the time. One only need read the headlines in supermarket checkout tabloids to realize that the quest for happiness of young men and women who look like those is the advertisements is often elusive.

It must be my current exposure to the Dali Lama’s thinking, via his audio book, The Universe in a Single Atom, that keeps bringing Buddhist themes to mind. Lord Buddha’s teaching reminds us that the origin of suffering is attachment, in particular desire, passion and the striving for wealth, fame and popularity. Though the book is not about meditative practice, it reminds readers that meditative practice is an important discipline whose mastery can alleviate suffering and achieve happiness. Buddhist theories of consciousness maintain that our mental states, including suffering and happiness have causes. We can alter our mental states, the theories assert, by mastering the ability to alter their causes.

My beginner’s skills in meditative practice leave much to be desired, but I have learned two lessons. First, they can be put to use almost anywhere. Doctors’ and airport waiting rooms are places where meditations on breathing and single-pointedness seem particularly appropriate. Second, they require little in the way of commercially traded paraphernalia. I do use a standard issue candle, candle holder and small stone Buddha statue in my apartment. Total cost, less than $15. In waiting rooms, no paraphernalia is needed (though a set of ear plugs can be helpful).

Meditative practice may not be the only path to happiness - there is always, yachting, costly vacations, first class travel, expensive watches, and extreme sports. My purpose is not to denigrate these pursuits, but only to suggest an alternative if funds are limited or the satisfactions those options produce turn out to be transient.